the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
