dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Did I show you my penis last night?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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