You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
