he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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