i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She bit a glass in half.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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