He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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