Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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