Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I will be naked everywhere
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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