The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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