are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
