i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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