if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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