Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
