My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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