i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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