I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We are two peas in an std pod
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
