It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
