so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
