wanna go halves on a baby?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
