Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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