So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
