I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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