She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
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They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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