I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
