We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
