We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
