Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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