I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
