I'm eating all of the evidence.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My breasts were aching with rage.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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