I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
