Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
