so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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