he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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