All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
