My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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