okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
