In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
