i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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