I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
