You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
