I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
