I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
please come you make the beer taste better
Less talking, more tequila
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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