I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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