you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
