If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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