I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
