Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
