I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
