So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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