Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
