my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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