Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
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