Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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