I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
