Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
