the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
