I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
