either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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