Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is Oprah even human
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
