I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
