Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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