She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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