He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
