What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
