im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
