Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
