They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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