whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
