he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize