this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
