wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
