I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
